My first STD was from a foam party
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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