There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my shit smells like andre
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
