You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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