My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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