every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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