Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Found the puke drawer
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
