Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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