No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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