Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
