i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
