Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
