yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
