Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
