She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
My liver just had a heart attack.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
