they need to just BURY HIM!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
