My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
