My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
