was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
