So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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