I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She told me I should be a condom model.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
