Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
