Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
