drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
