does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
