I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
