Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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