no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
