i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
