He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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