I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I wear drunk well.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
