dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
