question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
