You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
So much rum. So many feels.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
