One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize