I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
