fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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