woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize