And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
