If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
