Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
