I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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