you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
