I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize