Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
