My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I wish they made helmets for livers.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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