i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize