I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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