Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
