Will you blow on my dice?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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