i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
