You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
