So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
