Just cropdusted the office
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
