This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
