Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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