woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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