OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
