i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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