I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just blew my weed a kiss
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
