her vagine was all disorganized.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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