she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
