I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
