Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize