Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
