I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
